Chuck

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck
Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
9. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
10. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
13. Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
14. Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
15. If you say Chuck Norris’ name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor.

Thanks to Chander and the many Bothans who died to bring us this...

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