Mujahadeen on the tee

The world would be a better place if we could get golf courses in there. Introduced to the consumer benefit of American style capitalism, no country can help but devote itself to economy. It's the consumer benefit - McDonald's - that will bring the world to us. But it has to be given not forced at gunpoint. McDonald's and golf, that's what will bring world peace. Yes, I'm kidding. What it will really take to bring about world peace is an extra planetary goal, like moving an asteroid out of the way or defending the earth from evil space aliens.

It's a crackup.

Here's my swing

Below you'll find video of my swing. This was at the driving range at Wilson/Harding in LA on August 19. Aaron Bowen operating the camera. Read previous post (below) to understand my humiliation and anger.



Ugh. My gang sign at the end is me indicating that I was hitting an eight iron.

My Golf Swing...

I have been told in the past that my golf swing looked unconfortable. I just chalked it up to every one not being me. "Hey how can you judge my golf swing if you're not me," I thought.

What I did not know is that my golf swing is horrible. Was horrible. I will change it. I looked like I was trying to play with those little clubs you can buy at Target. My god. I looked like I was trying to play on that extra-short floor in Being John Malkovitch. Why didn't you tell me I looked foolish? I blame everyone but me. It wasn't my fault. I couldn't see myself. I heartily recommend that everyone video themselves swinging. It's a great help.

Cipher

I'm a blank. I feel dammed up. Not writing. Blah. I have been reading quite a bit however. Take a look to the left there.

Of the books I've read recently, I really recommend this one:



Eyeing the Flash. One of you Hollywood types should make a movie out of it. It's about this kid who becomes a carnival con man in the early sixties. Not great literature, but well written and true.

According to this website, I am...


Yao Ming
Take Which NBA player are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

I have never played basketball however, so I don't know... I probably should be Mad Dog.

Da Skills

So much change flowing in and out. I said that before.

The baby is coming in a couple months. We've changed the office into what is now the proto-nursery. There's a small bookshelf with kid's books, a cedar chest, a console table, and a fish tank. The fish tank, like the seas of the just born earth, has water, but no fish. How long would I have to wait for the fish to evolve in it? I suppose we'll go out and buy some fish to put in there before the baby comes. As it seems now she'll be a kind of female Buckaroo Bansai, except instead of being a brain surgeon- scientist-rock star, she will be a world-saving biologist-golfer-rock star.

I've got to go now, but the thought for the day, and I'll come back to this later is: is it enough to, as Jack Kornfield says, "love well" or do we need some success, money, trappings of capital in order to feel fulfilled? Remember Buddha was a wealthy prince before he gave it up to look for enlightenment. Would he have become enlightened had he been born poor?

Work

Here's a picture from the awards ceremony last November.

Every picture tells a story don't it?

If Cute Overload Won't Do It...

Here's the best photo of an animal from the Orange County Fair



And here are the best photos of a person eating a deep-fried treat at the Orange County Fair

OMG

It's cloudy. Nice.

So Long, Hello

So many people changing.

Chris Kamen is...

The Vanilla Gorilla





Chris Kamen is the Vanilla Gorilla.

Sarcasm

I have only sarcasm left in my quiver when talking about the screwed up political situation in the United States right now.

"Thank God major combat operations are over with."

"I'm glad we have Republicans in office. They may be greedy, but at least they know how to balance the nation's checkbook."

"How can you not trust the administration? These aren't the kind of men (and women) who act against the interest of the American people."

"I just thank my lucky stars every day that we have a government that respects the Constitution as much as this one does."

In other news, I am starting a new script. It's kind of like building a jet or an aircraft carrier. It takes a long time. Except that after I build it I have to take it apart and put it together again. So it's like building a jet or an aircraft carrier out of Lego Brand building blocks.

Pax Republicana

Just imagine everything you watch on the news blazoned with the motto: Pax Republicana.

Jack v. Chuck

- When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

- Jack Bauer did better than Zack Morris on his SATs... he got a 1503.

- Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

- Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

- Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

- Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

- If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's freakin beef.

- Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.

- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

- Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

- Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

- Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

- Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

- If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.

- Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

- Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

- Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

- Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

- What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

- You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

- Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

- When you open a can of whoop-a**, Jack Bauer jumps out.

- Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says
something then you better do it.

- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

- If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.

- When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

- Jack Bauer does the Sunday New York Times Crossword Puzzle in ink.

- Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."

- Most children slept with a teddy bear and blanket when they were young, Jack Bauer did the same thing but with a real bear.

- Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

- Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

- In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

- When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

- In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?

- Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

- Jack Bauer once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."

- Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.

- It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

- People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

- Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.

- When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.

- Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

- Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

- If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

- If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

- Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

- Jack Bauer once bowled a 301.

- Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.

- Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

- Jack Bauer doesn't play the game SORRY. Jack Bauer apologizes to no one.

- Jack Bauer makes onions cry.

-Vic Mackey suck Jacks balls.

- Jack Bauer played eighteen holes of golf. He scored a seventeen.


conclusion - Jack Bauer is the master

(Thanks Ben and all the folks at http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ who got this out of China!)